from The Secret History
"you’re an adult now"
"you need to choose a career"
"you need to make your own doctor’s appointment"
Supermodel Milla Jovivich reading on the beach. Photograph by Carter Smith for British Vogue, 2007.
Smith enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Technology but later dropped out to pursue a career in fashion photography. Smith has shot photo spreads for Vogue, GQ, and W Magazine, as well as numerous celebrity photo shoots.
There is sadness that has been living in my bones
longer than I’ve been walking upright. Longer than
the willow in the front yard has been weeping.
No one knows what it’s saying but it sounds
a lot like prayer. It sounds a lot like penance.
I am still hurting and I am still lying about it.
There is no soft way to say that sometimes
I forget to breathe so I skip that and ask
what’s for dinner instead.
I am still learning how to do the easy things
like eat when I’m hungry and leave my bed every day.
I am still learning to twist my tongue around words
that resemble the truth. I am still falling asleep
with hope suffocating between my clasped fingers.
I am still falling in love with the moon. I am still
stepping around broken glass and thinking
that counts as strength. I am still hoping
the world ends before we do.